Creative work, anything that you make or create opens you up to other people in a way that makes you vulnerable. I create things for a living and in my hobbies and it is a jarring thing when you pour your soul into something and only to have someone come back and say “I did not like this”.

Everything we make feels like an extension of ourselves. Our way of telling the world this is who I am. And like any rejection, it feels very personal. Brené Brown, shame and vulnerability  researcher and one of my favorite authors and humans gave an insightful talk on why your critics don’t matter, which I encourage you to watch below.

Briana West wrote “we were born to survive which is to create”, on which she elaborates on Medium. And when we stop doing it we suffer greatly. We all have this innate need to bring forth something from nothingness.

It is the holiday season and many of us are busy knitting, crocheting and generally making gifts for our loved ones. And there will be that person in your life who will shrug when they open the gift you slaved hours for. Or will have things to knit-pick about it (pun not intended).

How do you handle that kind of rejection? Well, you learn to grow from it.

Give it time and distance. Sometimes you really need to walk away from something to get a healthy amount of perspective. This helps you from overreacting or giving your emotions the reins. Take two steps back and cool off first before you delve deeper into this.

It is not about you. There is a huge difference between who you are and what you do. When someone critiques your work, they are doing just that. They are not tearing your being apart. And people who don’t take things personally are at an advantage here. It is easier for them to step back and think, how can I make this better, instead of thinking that person hates me.

Expectations vs Reality. Sometimes it has nothing to do with your work and is more about the recipient’s expectations. Learn to know the difference. If you wanted a chocolate chip cookie and I gave you the world’s best oatmeal and raisin cookie you won’t be happy. Instead of trying to explain that your cookie is better try to figure out what they really wanted or expected. Maybe the situation is salvageable and if it isn’t then there is always a next time.

Is there constructive criticism in there? Sometimes, if you deconstruct what was said you can find the useful bits. My daughter can be the harshest critic and she is one of the gentlest souls I know. But if I make her something that she doesn’t like, she will say so. But often times she is right. The yarn is too scratchy, the fit is too tight or the style is not what she likes. So yes, sometimes believe the critics. Not all of them are out to get you, and even the mean ones can be useful.

It is totally OK to be upset about it but not forever. We are all human after all. I am never giving up on doing the things I do because someone didn’t like the end result. So no matter how upset I am, I am going to keep going and so should you. If you don’t work on something you won’t get better. So, don’t wallow forever.

Look at how far you have come. Something went wrong this week with some photography I had done and it was devastating. Not because I think I am the world’s best photographer, I am far from it. But because I had worked so hard and thought I had done well. But this morning I was looking back at my pictures. Almost every single photo I took in 2011 was out of focus. In 2018 only some of them are. I have grown and so has my work.

Remind yourself why you do it. All of the creative things I do, I mostly do for myself. Even my day-job. I love writing, I love doing photography, I enjoy the company of my friends at work. I love my hobbies, I love knitting, I love making things. I do these things because I enjoy doing them and the recognition for them is nice but it is not my true motivation. Find your own why for yourself.

Remember how hard it is when you criticize someone else. There will be times when you are on the giving end of criticism. When it is your turn to dole it out, make it helpful and kind. Because karma!

And don’t be afraid of being vulnerable it can fuel your best work.